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It's so easy to get swept up in the rush of lovey-dovey feelings you get from dating someone new. But according to experts, it's pretty important to stay grounded during the first three months of dating. Because as amazing as those new love feels are, those first 90 days can determine whether or not your new relationship is the real thing or has an expiration date. Although every relationship differs, three months is considered to be the average length of the first stage of a relationship. According to psychotherapist and relationship coach, Toni Coleman, LCSW , you should be ideally making that transition from "casually dating" to "exclusive" around that time. But again, this varies depending on how much time you actually spend together and how much distance is between you two.
Dating for 3 months and no commitment
If they're barely communicating, you may need to have a discussion about it. By the three-month mark, both you and your partner should feel totally comfortable being yourselves around each other. So you may have to be a little patient, depending on how your partner is. But it shouldn't take any longer than six months for them to be themselves around you. If your partner starts making more plans with friends and isn't making the effort to include you, Morgenstern says, that's an early sign your relationship may not last.
When this happens, the tendency is to cling onto the relationship for fear of losing it. You may text them more or request to spend more time together. But as she says, "that is the absolutely worst thing to do. Instead, let them be.
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Maybe they need space to figure out their feelings in order to move forward. Coming from a place of self love and inner confidence will save your relationship," Morgenstern says.
In order to create a well-balanced and healthy dynamic early on, you shouldn't be initiating everything as your relationship goes on.
If your partner's interest in the relationship isn't strong enough to take it to the next level, they may take less of an initiative, be less affectionate, and show less physical closeness. In short, there's going to be distance and you're going to feel it.
You can even offer up a plan where you come up with something to do one weekend, and they come up with something to do the next.
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But if nothing changes and you're still the only one moving the relationship forward, they may not be as invested as you are. If your partner can't listen to you and be your shoulder to lean on in those first three months, Daniels says your relationship may not make it long-term.
You shouldn't necessarily dump all your deepest and darkest fears on them right away. But if you're going through something at work or with your family, they should be there to talk and listen to you.
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The same goes for them choosing to lean on you during tough times. If you're not the first person they go to when they need to vent, or they need someone to lean on, they may not see the relationship as something really serious.
A partner who sees a future with you will hint at it through the words they use. Even if they aren't thinking marriage at this point, they may talk about a future trip that they want to take with you or plans for your birthday in a few months.
It's equally important to pay attention to the follow-through.
It's one thing to say that you should go away together for the weekend, and it's another to actually book everything and hash out the logistics. If your relationship is one that is destined to get stronger, Coleman says you will make solid plans for the future together. For instance, you may not meet their family within those first three months, but you can make plans for it.
But if your partner can't even commit to making dinner plans for next week, that's not the best sign. The "busy" excuse won't cut it.
If someone wants to be with you, they'll make time. You will be a priority.
We are all busy. We are all trying to juggle our schedules.
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You are not special. Don't go crazy stalker mode, but pay attention.
If you are going on two months of dating and you haven't met your semi-significant other's friends, you might consider what's going on. Have you made an excuse for your "halfsie" one too many times when he's ditched on a happy hour with your people other than just you? Onto the next one.
It doesn't make you uncool, it makes you a person with self-respect. As one who has spent years in purgatory because it felt easier than saying how I truly felt, don't make my mistake.
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If he's not into it, it will hurt, but you'll get the pain over with now rather than later when you have invested even more time in the half-relationship. Dating is complicated, and timing is definitely a factor.
If the signs above sound familiar to you, and you realize it's time to get out of your almost-relationship, be proud of yourself for recognizing that fact. Don't beat yourself up; there's usually nothing you could have done differently. It's better to get out now, and maybe hear from him a few months or years down the road if it's meant to be, rather than waste more time texting him when you could be meeting people who are on the same page as you.
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