Can dating a girl with same surname think, that you
Posted in Dating
Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil straightdope. Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks. I know this seems really shallow and possibly pointless, but I have to know if it's just me with this phobia. My sister's name in not that uncommon, I don't come across it often, but it's out there. I don't think I could be really comfortable dating a girl with the same name. Sure, I'd try it and give it a good chance, but that particular circumstance hasn't happened yet. I dunno, it just seems weird to me.
Could any of you feel comfortable crying out your lover's name during sex, when that name is that of one of your siblings? To me that would be most awkward. I want to think of my partner's name and get excited, be romantic, not think of my sister at that time. Is it just me?
My brother's name is common - and it's the same as my dad's and grandpa's name. But, I don't call my dad or grandpa by that name, and luckily for me I think of my brother by his nickname. So I don't think it'd even register that my dude would have the same name as my brother.
Of course I could. I have. Finding a mate is difficult enough without putting such a ridiculous constraint on your dating opportunities. On the other hand, two of my sisters have names which have fallen out of favor during my lifetime. Hell, one of them has a name that I've only encountered in a character played by Kim Basinger I'd hit that and a Nobel Prize winning author. Brother 2 married a girl with the same name as our sister, only she spells it slightly differently. Sister dated a guy with the same name as Brother 1.
I once had a crush on a guy with the same name as Brother 3 but that never went anywhere. Brother 1, has a son who married a woman with the same name as his sister. Brother 3 has a son who almost married a girl with the same name as another daughter of Brother 1, not a sibling but a cousin. I think there's another instance of same names but I can't remember them all. Anyway, obviously it's not a problem in my family. Probably not, considering I don't use my brother's name when talking to him; I go with 'bro', 'Ruffles', or a diminutive short form of his name.
The odds of meeting someone with either of those first two as their actual name are slim. Usually it's 'love' or something to that effect. So even if he had shared the same name as my brother, I really can't see how it'd impact on anything.
Now, if a guy shared MY name, that'd probably be kind of hard to take. More so since I don't have a gender-neutral name.
Also, Kelly or Tracy, which I understand can go either way in the US though they're always female here. My older sister married a guy with same name as our younger brother. It's not problem for her, and only causes a bit of confusion in discussions, with "her" XX and "our" XX.
Oct 08, It's not uncommon at all for people to marry someone with the same last name. It doesn't mean you're related, or at least not closely. It's possible that your both of your surnames point back to a common ancestor, but that would be a long time ago.
I would have a difficult time having romantic relations with someone named Michael, so no. My brother in law is a Rob, and so is my brother.
It was mostly just confusing when referencing one of them in a conversation, so the BIL tends to just get called by a contraction of his surname. Never really considered it'd be a problem for my sister, but I guess it isn't.
Dating a girl with same surname
I've only got one brother, and I never dated anyone with the same name, but I don't think it would have been an issue. I shared a cubicle at work with a same-named guy, and he was way more of an ass than my bro ever was My dad's name was Thaddeus - you don't run into that much, but I don't think it would have deterred me.
Or either grandfather Michael and Frank for that matter. As it happens, my husband's name is different from all of those, so it never came up. I wouldn't be bothered at all - and I don't even like my sister. My friend Mike is different than my other friend Mike and both are different than my old boss Mike - a man that I hated. When I think of Mike the friend I don't think bad things.
They are separate people. It would be the same with any woman that I dated, regardless of her name. Nah, really not a problem since my brother's name is very common. It was more of a problem when I dated a guy whose name was identical to mine, save for the last letter.
People thought it was hilarious. It would probably bother me quite a bit to date someone with my sister's name, especially at first, but I wouldn't rule out dating a girl because of it. I'd probably give her a nickname immediately and try my hardest to forget her real name. I could never date anyone with my mother's name. I don't think I could even be friends with anyone with my mother's name.
Fortunately, her name seems to be relatively rare - I've maybe met two other people with that name. Not quite the same, but my wife's birthday is the same day as my stepmother's.
Good thing it doesn't bother me, because it's also my daughter's birthday! My half-sister married a man with the same first name as my older full-brother. When the parents moved out to the same state as half-sis, and older full-brother followed to go to law school, conversation got a little confusing as to which man we were talking about.
This was solved by my mom, who refers to her step-son-in-law as King Jeff and my older full-brother as Our Jeff. Everybody's happy. Me, I wouldn't have a problem dating a man with the same name as one of my brothers or my dad. We'd just have to come up with some other code to differentiate them. My brother married a woman with the same name as me, though a different spelling.
And I'm attracted to a guy with the same name as my brother.
Sure I could I have a brother who married a woman whose name is the same in sound spelled differently than our sister and two sisters who married men with the same name as another brother. My cousin married a man with the same name as her brother, Daniel. They're both known as Danny. One of my sisters has dated three guys with the same first name as my late brother - and married two of them.
She named one of her sons "Teejay" actual legal first name after his initials. That girl totally broke my squick-o-meter. Myself, I don't think I could do it. Both of my sisters have fairly uncommon names, though - I'd really have to work at it. Hell, I don't know if I'd be able to get down with a woman named "Peggy-Sue" even if I didn't have a sister by that name. My brother's wife has the same first name as my sister.
And now his oldest son has just married a girl with the same first name as his mother and his aunt. It doesn't seem to bother any of them. It gets quite confusing for the rest of us. Funny, I thought this was a topic only I seemed to care about.
I always find it a bit strange when people marry someone with their siblings name. My brother has a very common name, but I've only once gone out with someone with that name. I found it odd, if not icky, and I called him by his internet nickname the whole time I saw him.
About three weeks, kind of. I asked my Franco Ontarian boyfriend if that sort of thing would bother him.
Well his sister has a common French name, and he has dated women with that name, but she had a nickname that he always called her anyway. His sister married a guy with the same name as his next oldest brother, and named her son half of my boyfriends name. To make matters worse, his father has a name that is also a woman's name I have cousins who married girls with the same first name, and to confuse the issue the sister didn't marry until quite late in life Actually, the funny thing was there was a guy I might have gone out with with the same name as my brother, but everytime we met, I could never remember his name.
My last name is as common as dirt, so I'm used to it. I went on one date with a woman who had the same surname and the female version of my first name. Come to think of it, my wife has the same surname as me, now. Weeeeird. Feb 13, Dating someone with the same name as your ex? Would it be awkward or would it bother you if you dated a person with the same name as your ex? Like what if you were a girl who was dating a guy named Jason and then you two break up and after a few months you're in another relationship with ANOTHER guy named Jason. Brother #2 married a girl with the same name as our sister, only she spells it slightly differently. Sister dated a guy with the same name as Brother #1. I once had a crush on a guy with the same name as Brother #3 but that never went anywhere.
He'd tell me it, and I'd say Its the same name as my brother's. By the third time I met him and blanked on his name he reminded me of that fact Although he was cute and I liked him, I think somehow got the idea I wasn't interested Not a problem.
One of my favorite ex's we still see each other now and then shares my sister's name. We were never serious enough to consider marrying - we were more like good friends that liked to mess around.
But we always had fun picturing her being another Laura Bus Guy. One of my first serious GFs had the same first name as my sister. Nope, doesn't bother me at all. I dated a Shannon and am still friends with her. Not an issue. My daughter is another matter, I would have difficulty getting it on with a Claire, ewww.
My sister has a really unusual first name, and no woman, no matter how beautiful or charming she was, would be able to remove the association. Saying her name during sex, for one thing, would be way too weird. I have never met a woman with my brother's name.
It would be a dealbreaker. I don't think I could date a woman named Nicholas.
R. Kelly - Same Girl (Official Music Video)
I could fall in love with someone with any name. I'm big on nicknames and everyone I know has got a new name that only i call them. I had the opportunity to date women that had the same name as my mother. One thing I found freaky was a guy I worked with named Chris.
He married a woman named Chris. Actually, I know all my first cousins, which for me is too close. But would it really matter after that? I mean, cousins get married in many cultures. Not in mine, but I think if I met a super fabulous guy who turned out to be an unknown second cousin, to be honest, I'm not sure if I would ditch him for that.
Cue rednecks jokes Not unless she was my sister or daughter, or some other appreciably close relative. How close do you have to be, blood-wise, before incest can successfully be invoked under the law? I ask this purely out of curiosity. It all breaks down to how common the name is. For me, my name isn't all that common, but we did actually have a family in the neighborhood with the same last name for a number of years to whom we weren't related that we knew of, though wouldn't have surprised me if we were 6th cousins or something.
Other than that, I've never met anyone else who had the same last name and I wasn't related to. Still, other than maybe just double checking that we're not related, I don't see why it would bother me. Hell, someone could have a completely different name and just be a second cousin I never knew about, which would be much worse to find out after certain things had happened than before. As usual, it depends on location. In Spain it's legal for first-cousins to marry; one of my mother's first-cousins is the daughter of first-cousins and married another first-cousin - but my father is from a different part of the country and looking at the over-cousined part of the family tree gives me the willies.
At the same time, in Catalonia, where the overcousins are from, marrying your sister-in-law after the first wife had been decorously deceased, not after a divorce would be considered scandalous, but that's what my father's paternal grandfather did Well, I don't have any first or second cousins with my last name, so I wouldn't worry about them being family. I would be surprised, though.
I have never met anyone outside of family with my last name. In more than half the states it is legal to marry your 1st cousin. And its not all the stereotypical states you might think. Incest itself is not illegal in every state as long as both involved are adults. Wouldn't bother me; might be a plus! There was a friend whose first name was the same as my last name, and we always joked that we should get married so he could take my last name, just to be dorky.
It wouldn't bother me but it would surprise the hell out of me. My family name is so unusual that it would almost have to be a relative distant, since all of the close ones with that name are dead. My dad is adopted, so my last name has nothing to do with my heritage on a genetic level. Both of them found it amusing during introductions. As near as I've been able to figure, there are exactly two families in the U. One is descended from my grandparents, the other isn't related to us at all.
It would be an amazing coincidence if any of us ever even MET someone with the same name who wasn't related. It wouldn't bother me, my surname is really common, almost as common as Smith. It pops up a lot in fiction when they want a generic surname, that isn't as obviously generic as Smith. Then she happened to mention her last name And though I had never met her before, I knew of her as she was my dad's cousin's widow.
Though if we HAD dated it probably wouldn't have caused the amount of family scandal as when the uncle's widow yes same uncle married my other great uncle brother of the deceased. My last name is as common as dirt, so I'm used to it. I went on one date with a woman who had the same surname and the female version of my first name.
Come to think of it, my wife has the same surname as me, now. It makes sense not to date close relatives. Why should a name make any difference at all unless you know it's a close relative?
It just sounds like neurosis to me. I have a fairly uncommon name but I answered NO without taking incest into account.
I thought no incest was a given. The question didn't say anything about family relations, geez. Y'all are kinda icky sometimes :p :D. I kind of need to make a distinction between my name now my ex's last name, but it's been mine for the vast majority of my life so far and my birth name.
Since I have a longlost half brother anybody in the right age range is going to get questioned as to parentage, much less if they have the same last name as my birth name! Now my birth name is not common, but my current name is extremely uncommon. I wouldn't worry about finding someone with that name as long as it isn't any of my brothers-in-law.
Shudder I knew a woman who proudly introduced herself as Ann Smith Smith. She said "I was a Smith and I married a Smith. I know my first cousins, but any more distant than that, and I would pass them on the street as total strangers.
Jul 23, And for those who are counting, our forebears didn't even come from the same part of Eastern Europe. Of course, I embrace the name thing when it suits me. "Cheers! Love the Steins," reads the little card accompanying the pair of miniature beer steins given to out-of-town relatives. "#??," I . Nov 19, In certain tribe in Punjab, Haryana marriage within clan, i.e. Boy and girl with same surname, is considered to be incestuous. This is re-enforced when the boy and girl originate from the same area/vicinity. This probably was true in antiquinity, that there probably was a common ancestor going back many generations. I dated someone with the same surname, by the second date we were doing mini-background checks to make sure we weren't related (you never know). Our mutual friend set us up, so after a while of dating we decided it'd be fun to tell her we were actually related cousins.
I salute you Jamicat, for keeping the Dope a weirder place. I knew a woman who proudly introduced herself as Ann Smith Smith. Does anyone know how Franklin and Eleanor R. From something I read somewhere once, I think one has to trace their lineages back some 4 or 5 generations to reach their common ancestor. But I will say that other people's comments would be a problem.
My surname is pretty unusual in the US. In High school I dated a guy with similar first and last names, and I can attest to how much the teasing got to me. I've matured a bit since then though, and wouldn't negate the possibility because of that. Done it. Fairly uncommon Italian name. We could trace no roots that were common though. Then I married a girl who had that girl's same first name and everyone later thought it was her.
Dating someone with the same name as your ex?
Think about that for a minute. I dated a guy that I shared a given name with. It was odd at first, although he preferred being called "Michael" and I like "Mike.
He was good in bed, but neither of us called out any names while in flagrante delicto My name's common enough that I wouldn't be bothered. It would be odd, but not a negative. On the plus side, if we got married I could pretend to be progressive and claim I took her surname. Does he have a job? I'd date him if he had the same first name, too.
A very good job actually, but he's in California and I'm in Colorado Plus my husband would never let me marry him. Based on Wikipedia's entry for Eleanor, either fifth cousin, once removed, or sixth cousin. That same year Roosevelt met her father's fifth cousin, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and was overwhelmed when the year-old dashing Harvard University student demonstrated affection for her. I have a very common surname well, common here in the United States, and common in Ireland. So yes, I'd date someone with the same name, or would have, when I was single.
I have a vague memory of going on a couple of dates with a girl with the same last name in my first year of college.
We actually met because of our shared name. Might have been standing on line to register for a class, or something. Can't remember. One set of my grandparents not the ones from whom I got my name actually did have the same last name prior to their marriage. No one has ever looked too deeply into how closely they were related. I've never met or heard of anyone except through googleing with my surname that isn't very closely related to me.
Since it's so rare I'd find it a bit weird.
If my name was Jones or Johnson it probably wouldn't be an issue. Slightly off topic though I have actually seen some one hyphenate their married name and maiden namewhich were the same. I can't see the logic in that.
I have a somewhat uncommon last name, so the odds are we'd be related to some distant degree, but that in and of itself wouldn't be a dealbreaker. Absolutely not.
My birth name is an extremely uncommon variant of an uncommon surname, which arose as an American-izing of an Irish surname when a particular branch came over to escape the Potato Famine.
Given the distribution of daughters, the most distant relative I know of with this name is a second cousin once removed, and the only male I know of who's anywhere near my age already has a very nice boyfriend. There's a gorgeous young actress whose first name is the same as my last. I'd definitely date the hell out of that. As far as I know, the only people with whom I share a surname are in my immediate family. ETA: Google has just proven me wrong. I did once. My friends knew her friends, and they all thought it would be cool to set us up on a date.
Checking just now there's about people in the USA with my last name. We're rare. We all went to the movies and dinner as a big group, but it was clear I didn't do anything for her, and I never saw her again! That's well past the point at which genetics are even remotely a concern, at least. Of course, the arguments over whether you're going to take his name upon marriage might devolve into the absurd There was a hottie in high school with the same last name as me.
I totally would have hit that! Sadly, by the time I got over being shy, he was in a LTR. As long as you know it's not your cousin, why not?
My real surname is really common, so I think I'd be OK with it. It's not like I don't ever have crushes on certain singers with that last name But honestly, I would still find it a little bit weird. Not because I'd think "Oh, we're related! So I'd be very aware of it, mainly. So it wouldn't bother me much. It would make me hesitant. Being Italian, it is very possible that I could be dating a relative damn Catholics breeding without birth control.
And while Incest might be a game the whole family can play, its one I am not interested in playing. My dad's oldest brother had 8 kids by several different women when he was last heard from in By now I could have dozens of cousins I've never met. I might not know someone was my second cousin, but I do know all my great-aunts and uncles, so I can easily find out.
There are at least a couple hot second cousins in my family that don't even have the same last name as me, and I learned we were related within the day I met them. No further would bother me unless I knew the family in between or if I'd grown up with them.
But I'm guessing a lot of you have problems with more distant relations.
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