Cleared girl im dating told me she has herpes congratulate
Posted in Dating
FAQ on Coronavirus and Mefi : check before posting, cite sources; how to block content by tags. A girl I really care for has Herpes. Is this a dating dealbreaker? Anyway, she let me know that between her last boyfriend and me, she had a one-night stand with a guy who gave her Herpes. All I know is that it places things in a different light. I really do like her, but this seems to change things.
Kindall - I don't know how many partners you've had, but you've probably already slept with somebody who had it. You were just lucky enough not to know about it and they probably didn't know about it eitherso you didn't have to think about it. As has been said up thread, in the US, 1 in 4 women has it.
Also, 1 in 5 men has it maybe because male to female transition is easier than female to male, but who knows. Something like 1 in 2 black women has it. Given that, I just assume that everybody that I'm with has it. Now, having pointers to the virus present in your blood is kind of different that having outbreaks.
Some people get outbreaks and some don't. I don't know why, so I don't know if whether she has frequent outbreaks will mean you'll get a version of the disease that would lead to you getting frequent outbreaks.
Most other people in this thread probably don't know either, so don't listen to any of us. Talk to her, talk to a doctor.
Maybe if she's open to it talk to both of them at the same time. Then, decide how you feel about it. I'm pretty offended by what I'm reading here. I have a feeling most of the people posting haven't done their research on Herpes. I have. I have a very close friend with Herpes, and I'm amazed by some of the responses from men that she's told me about. I understand their initial freakout, but they should educate themselves first before running for the hills.
She tested positive for Herpes, but she hasn't had an outbreak for years, and she is on suppressive therapy. If you avoid sex during an outbreak, and if you use a condom every time, then you are pretty damn protected. There are people who are married and sexually active for years who don't spread Herpes to one another. Having sex with a person who is infected does not guarantee that you will become infected yourself, and given the statistic that one in five sexually-active adult Americans have it, and that most people don't even know, you should thank anyone who does have it and who informs you.
I really think education is important here, not just running because of one's initial fear. Kindall that's simply not true. It is absolutely possible to have a sexual relationship with someone who has HSV. HSV is a frighteningly common occurence. Does that mean you should be careless about it?
But should it be a deal-breaker in potential relationships? I really hope not. Give the girl a chance, see what develops. And as many upthread have said - get more information. I recommend talking to a doctor.
The web can be a bit of a minefield when it comes to accurate health information, as this thread demonstrates. Another note for "no" here. Look, herpes is forever. If you catch it, it could be an easy thing to live with, prescription drugs and so forth. It's great that she's being honest here, but by disclosing this, she's offering you the chance to take things no further, with no hard feelings. You need to be a cold-blooded pragmatist when it comes to your health, and your children's, should fatherhood be in your future plans.
If you pass it on to the future mother of your children, they too will be at some risk. I'm one of those one out of every four or five people who have this. Am I appalled by some of the comments here? Am I surprised? With precautions you can reduce the possibility of catching this. HOWEVER, from my perspective, it's better to assume you may very well catch it, and AFTER you are reasonably sure that the relationship may last for awhile, I would suggest yes, I know VERY controversially that you abandon taking precautions like condoms just like you would in a relationship with any girl that believed didn't have herpes, and especially at that time, to stop getting up immediately after sex to scrub your privates.
It's just disrespectful to someone you are in a longterm relationship with. Of course she and I would recommend taking precautions in the beginning, but after awhile being treated like a sexual leper is just too much of a drag.
You're recommending that he intentionally infect himself at some ill-defined point in the future. Yes, as I'm sure you know, herpes is manageable, but acting like it doesn't exist is dangerous and stupid. Having herpes is just not a big deal, only that you have to deal with people who are just too paranoid about it, and at the same time knowing that there is at least a possibility that they probably have it themselves and don't know it, or that after they pass on you for this reason only may very well get it from the next partner because either that next person doesn't know or doesn't have the integrity to be honest about it, or they used to be honest and they finally got tired of being rejected because of their honesty If you can't see yourself eventually being a grown up about this, do her a favor and pass, but know it will be your loss as well as hers, and a loss you may regret, especially if you get it eventually from someone else you don't care half as much for, as you very well might.
I'm not saying that it doesn't exist, just that getting it isn't the end of the world. I know I'm repeating myself here, but virtually the ONLY serious consequence of herpes is dealing with everyone else's paranoia. See, you think you're disagreeing with me but you are in fact saying exactly the same thing.
Eventually you will want to have intercourse with your actual lover rather than with a piece of latex, and you never will be able to. Continual frustration is not the path to a satisfying sex life. Furthermore, condoms don't cover every part that might get infected common infection sites for men include the scrotum and inner thighs - where do you get a rubber that covers those?
So yes, if you have sex with her enough times, there is a reasonable chance you will eventually catch what she has, even if you wear a condom every time. Okay, maybe it's not a certainty, but how much of a chance do you want to take? Now of course most relationships don't end up being long-term and there's no reason to suppose this one would be any different, but I think it would be dishonorable to go in expecting it to end in a relatively short time, especially if your hope is to not catch herpes.
If that's your attitude going in, and it would not necessarily be an unnatural one to have, then it'd be better not to start anything. It's true that some people catch herpes and have no outbreaks at all, or have outbreaks that are fairly infrequent and mild. It would be nice if you could know whether you are one of those people or not before you catch it, because sometimes the outbreaks are not at all infrequent or mild. I knew one woman whose outbreaks required her to sit spread-eagle in a chair naked from the waist down for a few days every few months, as she was unable to tolerate clothing or walking during the outbreak.
If you are lucky this won't happen to your penis. If you're not so lucky, you may be in for, well, a world of pain. Additionally, herpes can have severe effects on the immunocompromised. So if you, say, ever get cancer God forbi and they put you on chemotherapy, it could cause you to go blind or contract hepatitis or even encephalitis.
This would really suck if the form of cancer you got responded really well to chemo because they probably wouldn't want to use it. As for prescription drugs, sure it's great that they can suppress outbreaks to some extent, but do you really want to have to pay for that constantly?
Your insurance company may pay for it, or they may not, depending on whether they know you knowingly had intercourse with someone who had the disease. Then there is the fact that if you catch it, you can pass it on to a different woman who will then probably need a Caesarian if she ever has children to avoid infecting the baby, and that's not minor surgery.
There's even a possibility that it could seriously impair the baby if she happens to be infected at the right wrong time. So you will probably want to have sex only with people who are already infected, unless you have no conscience whatsoever.
So I'm sorry, but no, I can't recommend this. I would agree with kindall that condoms offer limited protection. That's why you might want to eventually not use them, once you have both been tested for HIV, and you are using other birth control methods.
Yes, that's true. What he left out, is you will have to avoid sex with anyone and everyone for the rest of your life to avoid getting herpes, since so many people have it and don't tell you, very possibly because they don't know it themselves. I agree.
Girl im dating told me she has herpes
But I don't think that a lifetime of no sex with the rest of the human race doesn't sound very realistic either.
Of course you want to make wise and safe decisions regarding sexual relationships. That's why it's so important to get tested for HIV before having sex, but I'm guessing that most people don't do this, and that's MUCH more dangerous than having sex with someone who has herpes, whether you or they know it or not. I don't understand. It seems to me that not dating her would be taking precautions. I hope that when you meet her, she doesn't. You can get both in both places, so the popular names are a bit of a misnomer.
You can also get rectal herpes, from rimming or anal sex. Mucosal contact is where the risk of infection comes in. Which means kissing, oral sex, genital to genital sex, sucking on a finger that's been somewhere naughty and nice! You can pass HSV to a partner through oral sex, and you can pick it up that way.
HSV-1 is less virulent than HSV-2, which means that if you pick up a case of HSV-1 on your genitalia from someone going down on youyou are likely to have fewer and less severe outbreaks. On the other hand, if you pick up a case of HSV-2 in your mouth while going down on someone you are likely to have more severe outbreaks than the average 'oral herpes' patient. It works both ways.
There are higher STD rates in kids who take abstinence pledges, etc. When you see kids with herpes it's because an adult with the virus has kissed them on the mouth, so transmission may already have occurred even without genital contact.
This is a bit off-topic, but I'd like to add something about the psychological impact of HSV.
Most of those patients deal with thoughts about their mortality, related depression, and minor levels of suicidality every day. I expected that when I started the job. I've had to walk more than one patient to the ER for a suicide assessment.
I've only had to have the police come to transport one patient to the ER, and that was a young woman who had just been diagnosed with herpes. She was otherwise healthy. She was the only person who got that upset, but many people have a very hard time accepting an HSV diagnosis.
This isn't, after all, a varicella virus chicken poxthat also stays with you for life. People have very intense feelings about sex and sexuality, attractiveness and 'being good. No, this isn't how it works. Your prescription drug card plan with your insurer may cover Valtrex, or it may not I just looked at a bunch of insurer's non-covered drug lists and it wasn't included on any.
It will probably be covered with a higher co-pay, particularly if there's a generic drug deemed equivalent available. Whether you contracted herpes "knowingly" will in no way come into the equation. Well, that's nice of the insurance companies, I guess. I stand corrected.
I personally would never expect other people to pay for the consequences of uncommon, risky behavior that I could have as easily avoided, or at least I'd expect to pay more for coverage if I engaged in high-risk behavior. Sure I could get herpes from someone who doesn't tell me or doesn't know they have it.
But let's do the math. Given a choice between scenario A and scenario B, I'll take scenario A every time, as it reduces my risk significantly.
Having sex only with people I know well enough to be confident that they're honest further reduces my risk, although surprisingly not that much - though statistically, any additional risk does make a significant difference if you have a lot of partners. I don't want herpes.
Okay, maybe it's not the worst thing in the world, and no, I won't forego sex entirely to avoid it, but reducing my risk to the absolute minimum makes sense to me, especially when it's so easy. I certainly don't want to have to complicate every future relationship by telling my intended that I have it and asking them to make the same decision you're making now.
I would find it easier to stop dating, frankly. If you don't care whether you get it, then great, go ahead and get serious with this woman. She is at least honest, which is a good sign. I have no idea whether the original poster is planning on his relationship becoming sexual in the short term, but if that were the case, then there are some excellent suggestions upthread. If not, then a bunch of people are being complete jerks.
There are a lot of different beliefs held about love, life, and priorities. Some people date and have sex with many people, while others are lucky enough to find someone they marry without getting intimate with anyone else.
Jun 30, My Partner Just Told Me They Have Herpes. I Don't. recently in October gotten married to the guy I contracted the virus from who I have known since 14 and he gave it to me at 16 Im now 26 so I decided to give him a chance after the fact an we were together for all those years somewhere in those years I gained a friend we were countryconnectionsqatar.com Oct 12, When she was diagnosed with herpes almost three years ago, Whitney Carlson, 29, a social media editor in Chicago, had a similar reaction. "I mostly thought, 'I'm going to die alone, no one. Q: I've been seeing this girl and we've really been hitting it off. And then last night, she tells me she has herpes. Now, I'm freaking out. My head tells me to handle this like a mature gentleman. But my gut reaction is to ghost and never look back-I don't want herpes! - Jason, San Antonio. A: Finding out your partner has herpes can be a.
Deciding whether it's worth the risk of getting herpes depends on these factors. If you're in a stage of your life where you're prone to have more casual relationships and don't see this as a staying things, then maybe it is, as mentioned above, a deal breaker. If you're seeking a long-term relationship and are willing to accept risks, then you might continue to pursue this girl.
I just look at comments like sun-el's and think of people who are in love with someone who has AIDS. While the original post made it clear that this is still a pretty casual relationship, it's repulsive to think that someone should be thrown out of your life because they're "damaged goods. Thanks for writing that, mikeh. I like your response the best so far. Thanks mikeh. A voice of reason. My responses were much more technical.
You seem to want to be so self-reliant that everyone is to blame for having a disease that they could have caught from their mother. I would not only hope that insurance companies would pay for treatment, but that they would even pay for your treatment if you were to contract it unwittingly.
What do you think about insurance covering pregnancy? There's an avoidable set of medical expenses if there ever was one! Joining way late, but I wanted to chime in now that I'm not reading from work. Fewer than ten years back I was in a multi-year relationship with a man with herpes. He told me about his condition on our third date - not because we were getting terribly physical yet, but just on "fair disclosure" principles because it was clear we liked each other and were both inclined to let things develop.
I did the research, considered the circumstances infrequent, consistently predictable outbreaksand went ahead with the relationship. I'm still herpes-free, tested and certified. It was a good relationship. I might've married the guy; he asked. But it wasn't ultimately what I was looking for, so we went our separate ways. I've been bad at keeping in touch but I hear that he's now married with a fantastic wife and cute kid.
People with herpes are peopleand the herpes is not some mysterious condition. You learn how to deal with it, and if you're unlucky, you might have to learn how to live with it. My advice would be to figure out how you feel about this person first; and on that score, I agree with some prior posts in that she's shown some impressive qualities - consideration, honesty, and guts.
Take the physicality slow, maybe, and do your research at the same time. Soon enough, I think the right answer for you about both the risk and the relationship will become fairly clear.
Why Should I Date Someone With Herpes?
Holy cow! I know people with herpes. And you do too.
Yes you do. Let's just summarise some of the key issues here: 1. Herpes is a permanent, infectious, non-lethal disease. Being viral, and capable of lying dormant within the body, yes it's permanent. It's also infectious at certain times. All true. But actually this isn't the problem here. There are other permanent, infectious, non-lethal diseases. Shingles, for example. I doubt that would be considered a "deal-breaker". So to point to this as the reason for refusing to expose yourself to risk of infection is disingenuous at best, and self-deluding at worst.
Herpes has social stigma. This seems far more likely to be the reason for people to be so worried about exposure. Herpes is hugely widespread.
Dating With Herpes. The nurse who examined me revealed that she had herpes and said it was no big deal. when I got herpes, the nurse told me I couldn't transmit the virus unless I was. Jun 08, I have. I have a very close friend with Herpes, and I'm amazed by some of the responses from men that she's told me about. I understand their initial freakout, but they should educate themselves first before running for the hills. She tested positive for Herpes, but she hasn't had an outbreak for years, and she is on suppressive therapy. My girlfriend just told me she has Herpes, what do I do? So I've been dating this girl for the past couple months. She is really great, smart, funny and very attractive. We get along really well, I'm an IT guy and she is a scientist. We have sex a bunch of times and always used protection. So last night when we were getting to that point in the.
A friend of mine studies the virus as part of his PhD. He tells me it's the single most ubiquitous human virus on the planet. Most people you ever meet have either got it or been exposed to it.
And most of them will never know. The stigma only seems to arise when the infection is genital. But the same virus can infect the lips, eyes, even the fingers and other places. So what's the actual focus of the stigma here? The virus? Surely not - a cold sore on your lip is unlikely to evoke the same shame as a sore on your crotch. So what does this tell us about those people who draw a distinction between a cold-sore on someone's lip, and a sore on someone's dick?
Both are caused by the same virus one of two variationsand can even be caught and spread in the same manner.
It seems irrational to make such a distinction. So who's got the problem here, the person with a viral infection, or the person who derides them because of where that infection happens to be on their body? What could we all do to stop such attitudes?
Oh, and catching herpes from a gym-mat would be astronomically unlikely, unless you were at some sort of carpeting-fetishists' orgy, and everyone was having ucountryconnectionsqatar.comotected sex. On the same mat. And stuffing bits of gym-mat where it shouldn't be stuffed. And then eating the bits of gym-mat. The perfect partner won't have herpes.
What would you prefer them to say and do? Infection is inevitable if you sleep with someone who has herpes. Not necessarily true. I'm not sure of the detail, but knowing people who are currently in this situation, they seem to deal with it happily enough. My advice would be to do the obvious, for both of you together to go and see some sort of sex guidance counsellor.
In the UK, GPs are hit-and-miss: some give good advice, some give bad advice. You're far better off going to someone who deals with this sort of stuff exclusively. Sex and love. This probably underpins it all, doesn't it. Do you need to have sex with her? Is that where this is going?
WHY HAVING HERPES IS OKAY
If you can't have sex with her, then what will happen to your relationship? Personally, I think this is the question that you really need to answer. This thread is closed to new comments. Hi Koko. He might need time to think, and one hopes to become educated about herpes. You can point him in the direction of reliable websites, such as the CDC and Planned Parenthoo so he has access to the best information. There are many couples out there in which one partner has herpes and the other does notand they are able to use strategies to decrease transmission risk.
I wish you the best of luck! So I started seeing this guy and we got really serious. It has been almost three months, and now all of a sudden he tells me his doctor says he has HSV This was the same clinic that told my mother she had kidney disease and she does not! So I went to the emergency room at a local hospital and got retested: it was negative.
This made sense to me because I have literally never had an outbreak in my life and have never shown any symptoms. We sat down and had a talk about all of this. I told him this whole situation, and he assured me he was fine. We even joked about if either of us was going to get something it had been more than 2 weeks and we would have known it by now.
As far as I know he has never had an outbreak either. Now all of a sudden he says I gave him HSV What am I supposed to do? I thought he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We talked about a future, maybe even marriage, maybe kids but we would see because he already had two. He just wants to be friends. Yet he told me how he still thinks about having sex with me.
Since then we have had sex, but we wore a condom this time, and he told me he does not think he has anything but he is going to get retested. None of this just makes any sense to me. He says there is nothing to say because I am the only one he has had sex with. He had sex with a girl from my school back in October or November he said he was tested at the end of November and he was fine. We started dealing with each other in December. It is now April. I do not know what to do. You both need to be tested for HSV and compare test results.
SEE his results from last November. Research false positive test results.
Seek relationship counseling for the relationship issues. Your clinic may be able give referrals.
You both need to be tested and compare test results. Please do lots of research on HSV. There is so much to learn about it.
It does not require penile penetration. I need to know if by me having herles and not knowing and been with someone for 8 years what are the chances of him not having it and just me having it. Im not sure if i got it from him or not but i have not been with anyone else. Does he have it did i get it from him?
He needs to also be tested. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We have so. Yesterday before work he was acting all nervous and then after a while told me he had herpes.
He stated that he has not touched me when he has had an outbreak. I for the most part believe him. I am in love. And he has been my friend for. He is now having an outbreak. I need to know what. First, stop having sex while he is having an outbreak; condom or not. Herpes is spread thru skin to skin contact; his genitals rubbing up against your genitals. The virus is in his nerve cells replicating and seeking more living quarters aka your nerve cells.
Second, you both need to be tested and compare test results. There is so much to learn. I just recently told my guy friend of 5yrs I have genital herpes and he stopped talking to me he said he need some time to let it soak in we new each other since and now I feel like he has distanced himself from me since I told him about the virus and just recently in October gotten married to the guy I contracted the virus from who I have known since 14 and he gave it to me at 16 Im now 26 so I decided to give him a chance after the fact an we were together for all those years somewhere in those years I gained a friend we were cool.
Seek the help of a therapist in relationship counseling. This forum answers questions on HSV.
Jul 05, I've had this happen. I probably know just about how you're feeling. I met a certain young woman through a mutual friend. There was an instant attraction and mutual chemistry. We got to know one another over the course of a couple of weeks and I f. My best friend is in an extraordinarily similar situation. His gf is 24 and has herpes. She was up front about it, telling him before they had sex for the first time. What I told him was this: if you love her, if you think she is the One that you could grow old with, then it doesn't matter in the least. Why Should I Date Someone With Herpes? Ella Dawson herpes dating, featured, herpes, herpes stigma, relationships, sexual health 65 Comments Here's another pet peeve of my email inbox: when a man (because it's almost always a man) asks me if he should continue seeing this woman he's been dating who just told him she has herpes.
My boyfriend of 3 years just told me he has herpes. Chloe, you need to be tested. Then with your test results in hand you ask to see his test results. Do some research online and find out about false positive test results. It does NOT take an act of penile penetration to transfer the virus. I recently found out that I have contracted herpes. Devastation is an understatement.
I had been in an amazing relationship for 10 months. My boyfriend has no symptoms.
Is it possible I was the carrier of this ill gotten disease all the time?
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