Remarkable, silent treatment dating with you agree
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Refusing to communicate, or giving the "silent treatment," is the easiest way to shut someone out and avoid confrontation. There are ways to try to break through to a person giving the silent treatment without resorting to confrontation. In the early stages of the silent treatment, it is easy to get frustrated and say things that you don't mean. It's important to keep a level head when talking to your partner about issues, especially when you're not receiving feedback. If you've been in a long-term relationship, keep in mind that your partner cares about you. Silence does not indicate a lack of affection but a way to quiet the discomfort of confrontation. Try to change your approach.
I experienced all these circumstances and even myself also adopted such things during my journey of life and realize how dangerous such things are if prolonged for longer durations. One should try to settle things through peaceful communication within a due course to avoid untoward results. Sorry you are going through this, Syrenagirl!
I hope you'll use some of the suggestions here. I believe from what I read his the reader is a woman and was just speaking out of context to her situation example: hemen etc but i dont see it as just toward men? However Im responding because I as well recieve this treatment, and there is no talking, no cuddlesno questions for hours than the problem always just has to be dropped!
Its soooo continuous! I dont like being quiet for huge expanded periods of time which explains also why I cant "talk" for more than a minute or 2 during YouTube videos- mind you goes on for like 8 hours a day!
OMG im stressed, hopefully he dont get mad Im here talking about itbut hey he dont wanna talk right? I love talking, solving issues and never want to leave anything un resolved!
I even lately try to take blame even though I know thats wrong but I cant stand the constant bickereing between us. I say you should blow someone's mind by being honest when someone carries on the silent treatment past 48 hours.
Silent treatment dating
Just tell you're partner very calmly that while you understand they are upset, a sufficient amount of time has passed for them to process the situation.
Calmly say: I really have to reconsider this relationship. Arguments and disagreements can be resolved however I am unwilling to consider a meaningful, long-term relationship, with someone that behaves in this manner. Please keep that in mind if things change radically in the near future.
I'm sorry that the article sounds as if it's slanted toward male abusers, because it certainly goes both ways. As I said in the article, I wrote from a perspective that I can personally related to and that I've heard about most often. Many men don't ever talk about these things, so it's not as recognizable.
However, it happens - and a lot more often than might be believed. As far as divorce, if you're unhappy and KNOW that you would prefer to be divorced if you could, I'd encourage you to talk to a few divorce attorneys after getting recommendations from friends. In general, men's financial situations improve significantly after divorce despite losing a lot IN the divorce, while women tend to get more from the divorce but end up with a WORSE financial situation in the long run. And don't buy in to the idea that you would be prevented from seeing your kids.
Maybe not every day which is what you said you want but only you can decide when the tradeoff is necessary. As it is, they're learning "how life works" by watching this situation.
Why does this article bash men? I'm a man, and my wife does this crap to me all the time, and I'm the one who has to end it, or she never would, ever! Hi AngelMyne, I can only say that with a parent, there are some different dynamics that I'm probably not as qualified to discuss, but I would still encourage the same principle: Treat yourself well, don't take it personally, and figure out how changes you make in yourself would change the relationship.
If you can't find that answer or you conclude that the silent treatment is intentionally abusive, get away from it.
Concerned Hubby, I have said elsewhere that women are also guilty of giving the silent treatment, but I wrote it as if it was a male toward female because that is what is most familiar to this female author. The principles of how to address it don't really change, though.
I have to ask, what about when it is a Parent? I wound up here because of a dysfunctional parent and wanting to learn how to constructively deal with them.
I get the silent treatment for being too ill to take over their business so they can run off and do something that isn't even important. I married a guy that turned out to be a pedophile, it devastated me but I don't go around calling all men kiddie rapers and saying I will Never allow another one in my life again what an absurd notion.
We Choose bad people in our lives unconsciously because a parent or an abuser close to that role screwed us up with their dynamic but as adults we can recognize those patterns and Change them and move beyond them and accept out own roles in them as well without hatred for the entire world.
That hate the world and blame us all is abusive in its self not only to others but most profoundly to your self and any children you manage to screw up with it.
I agree that signs of an abusive nature can be seen when the couple is still dating. My ex used to be pretty aggressive and I'm glad we ended it. However, some individuals choose not to acknowledge their abusive behavior and give excuses for the partner's behavior because of the fear of losing the individual or being alone. Of course, some people can be very manipulative and don't show their bad side until they have more control of the situation. I never realized silent treatment could be a form of abuse - thanks for the interesting insight.
I'm sorry you went through this John, but it also saddens me that you feel like it's worthless to have any woman in your life now. This kind of betrayal is so hurtful and I hope you'll one day feel healed enough and strong enough to take a chance again - but with someone who you can treasure and who will treasure you just as much.
I'm living proof that even someone with a bad relationship history can find a supportive, lasting love despite all the odds. As I said early on in this article, this can go both ways and I only used pronouns this way as a matter of convenience because it's what I'm personally most familiar with. However, it might be even more common in the other direction. Thanks for reading and commenting. A year of being ignored!
I just cannot imagine going through that! I'm sorry that you had such an experience and I will bet that when you do let go and stop allowing people to treat you that way, you'll discover a world where you feel better and your children learn better ways of handling their own relationships as they grow.
It's a difficult decision, and tough to start over, but it can certainly be worth it! What a joke.
A man giving the silent treatment? Yeah right. I know you just used this as an example because women "complain about it more", but the fact is that the women complain more PERIOD. About everything. The silent treatment is the woman's 1 weapon. But your advice is good. I called my ex-wife's bluff.
I didn't get mad, and I didn't try to get her to talk. And I did. When her abuse didn't get her what she wanted, she raised the stakes by asking for a divorce. I rocked her world by quickly agreeing; she was NOT expecting that. Well, too late, you want a divorce, you got one. Now she's out of our lives, the kids and I are happier than ever, and I will never, ever have a woman in my life again.
Good riddance, bitch. I've been dealing with this for 4 years, from 3 days to 1 year of being ignored Blow up when he tells you what the coroner, the police, your priest, the cemetery manager and the funeral director told him. Once again, he is responsible for everything that occurs in the world, and if was a better person, funerals would be cheaper.
Do whatever you want as your husband spends every spare minute for the next two years repairing your heavily mortgaged and barely affordable property. Tell him this is his way of maintaining control. In fact, it will be better if you yell at him if he wants you to look at the online memorial. Make sure you tell him that she was his least favorite child, and if he disagrees with you, prove your case by coming up with isolated examples, such as a time that he forgot to say hello to her - once.
Follow these steps, and your husband will most likely do whatever he can to avoid speaking to you and avoid being around you. His only path to safety will be to withdraw.
Leave the kids behind with their horrible father. Sorry folks, but this is what happened. Our case may be extreme I hope that not many of you lose a child and then have a floo but if you make your husband or wife afraid that anything they says or do will trigger an explosion or draw criticism, they probably will pull away.
Are you making it impossible for him or her to do so? And, despite what this article says, any apology or acknowledgement that this behavior was inappropriate would have gone a long way to re-establishing a relationship. I did try discussing this with my now ex-wife at times, but mostly held back, distancing myself more and more as time went on.
It was better than getting yelled at. I dont know what to do because I've never experience such a thing before and I must agree it really hurt. I am presently dealing with the silent treatment from my husband just because I tell him he is wrong in his behavior towards the kids n myself and when I talk I am being the one wrong. It's like he knows I made an anonymous post. Not even 60 minutes later he cut my phone charger cord and locked me outside.
I'm assuming it's pissing him off I'm not breaking. Also I have never used the silent treatment, think it's an unhealthy way to control people and even now I make sure to talk. And yes I realize what my husband is doing is unhealthy and my current situation. Is fucked up beyond belief. My husband is mad at me for a situation beyond my control. He broke my Ipad out of spite and then came home the next day and said you can do 1 thing or I'm going to stay really mad.
I get a new car or else. He currently has a corvette and his new car was going to be even more a month. In the past I always given in I feel like because I can't take it. But now it's been 6 days and he has said 10 words to me. We previously determined I get the new car next. He has had 8 cars in 7 years and I've had the same one since I'm more determined then ever I'm not budging.
Wish me luck!
Jellygator, this is a great article, with good information. I did the silent treatment with my first husband. I divorced him, and no longer do the silent treatment as I communicate much better with my second husband, and have a great relationship. The silent treatment was used because he treated me so bad. I never though I was abusive, I thought he deserved the treatment. In now way is this why I shut down and refuse to talk to my wife.
This is entirely incorrect for me. I'm trying to figure out how to keep myself from giving the silent treatment and this article just says I'm abusive because I do it.
The echo chamber is deafening. The weak disclaimer stating it's not just men who use the silent treatment is laughable. The entire article bombards guys as if silence screams with abuse. If your commenters are even a small representation of what their partners have to deal with, my bet is the poor souls just want some peace and quiet. Don't forget passive aggressive disorder is an equal opportunity enabler of dysfunction.
Now just to bug, I'll be silent now.
Good advice. Im going through the silent treatment so i will take your advice and use it when my husband snaps out of his hurtfull behaviour. I have a question: is it ok to just say to him I am ready to talk things over when you are?
Six Ways to Respond to the Silent Treatment in Relationships
I used to think that only women use the silent treatment, but this article reminded me of a married friend whose husband was giving her the silent treatment, and they ended up separating. No matter what, there should be respect for each other and self respect, and as you say, the silent treatment is a form of abuse.
I also liked the video. The silent treatment at the end looked so funny but it's not funny when it's happening to you. I completely agree with this article as right now I'm in a crisis, my boyfriend and I had an argument, one where he was clearly in the wrong, he did not apologise and as I wasn't in the wrong I also did not although I usually do in order to "fix things". I got the idea that this was going to affect us for a while so I suggested we put it behind us and behave normally the next day, he simply said maybe and we ended the conversation.
To give a bit of context, we are in a long distance relationship and hes currently taking exams for university, due to this our conversations have already been shortened but we had a routine in place. After this argument however, he stopped messaging, stopped calling, stopped responding. I ended up having to initiate calls and when I do he is very cold and withdrawn, he insists that nothing is wrong however and when I ask if he still wants the relationship he says he does.
Its been a week now and I only get one message a day which is to say goodnight and I feel this is to just give me enough that I wont break up with him. He still answers his calls but wont speak unless I ask him a direct question. I know that he is speaking to other people just fine and I am the only one hes ignoring, he refuses to try and talk about what is happening. I don't know what to do anymore, I understand he is tired and is revising constantly but thats not an excuse, the situation is making me physically ill, I just want things to go back to normal, but how can It when hes not talking to me.
He talks to me like i'm an enemy even when I'm being so nice to him. Please help me. Good Morning jellygator so nice meeting you, just enjoyed your fascinating, detailed hub, you covered so many interesting situations about the heartaches of relationships. As well as ideas and possible solutions, relationships are something not always easy.
An excellent hub for all those couples searching for answers. Happy to be following you. Thanks for this informative and helpful article. I was in two previous marriages, and both of my exes would use the silent treatment. In fact, I grew up with it, as my mother still uses it today. Sometimes, you just need some space. Both partners should respect that, but we should also strive to communicate in a healthy way that will support cooperation and growth.
What I am going to write down here is something that will surprise everyone. I am a 32 yr old married guy who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a girl for the last 6 yrs. To make things worse, I got married to her about five months ago!
What my life has been in the last few years is something that I would not even want my enemies to endure. I have been emotionally abused over and over again.
I have been given the silent treatment for days, weeks and months! In the entire course of the relationship ,my partner has never extended an apology for anything and has in-fact manipulated me into apologizing by giving me the silent treatment and making me feel I was in the wrong always.
She has been so mean and ruthless in her conduct with me that I have ended up crying in front of her many a times.
I generally don't cry in life but she has manipulated me so much that I have turned into an emotional wreck! My work has suffered, my relationship with other people has been effected and worst of all my relationship with my own self has taken a beating.
I fail to understand what on earth made me hang on so much with a person who is really incapable of a human relationship. There was a co-worker of her once who used to chat her up a lot, and his name was Arjun.
How The Silent Treatment Is Damaging Your Relationship And What To Do About It
While I was in some other town, I used to still call her up regularly. Once by mistake she called me 'Arjun' and I felt bad about it as any guy would when his girl would call him by some other name.
She repeated this at-least five six times every-time by mistake in the next one week or so. When I confronted her as to what was going on, you know her response-'silent treatment'! She just didn't care to get back to me for a few days or so and like a fool I called her up after a few days and apologized! Imagine, I apologized because my wife, gf back then had some other guys name on her lip all the time and I had asked for an explanation!!!
Such is the behavior of these narcissists that they have the capability to destroy the people who fall in love with them or like me are unfortunate to get married to them. Let me tell you that such people always find partners who are emotional and can be easily manipulated.
Nov 15, "Don't let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." Dalai Lama. Time and again people are confusing the concepts of silent treatment, ghosting, and no contact. Jun 17, The silent treatment is a common pattern of conflict for committed, romantic couples, and it can be damaging if left unaddressed. It is important to break this communication pattern, and there are constructive ways to respond and, hopefully, find a way to move forward that both of you can agree countryconnectionsqatar.coms: The silent treatment makes a couple seem distant even I'm the same room. Refusing to communicate, or giving the "silent treatment," is the easiest way to shut someone out and avoid confrontation. There are ways to try to break through to a person giving the silent treatment without resorting to confrontation.
I cant tell you how bad it feels. A man wants a loving wife, and her beauty lies in her heart and if the heart is ugly you really can't put up! I have now come to terms with the realityand for me the only way out is a divorce.
The idea of me posting this comment is to enlighten every soul in this earth that is trying to make a relationship work- to stop trying! Love can never happen this way. I wasted 6 yrs of my life.
Do not allow yourself to remain in love with narcissists and people who resort to silent treatment. If even once you buckle to their way then you are setting a wrong precedence. They will exploit you over and over again. The fault lies in them and not you. In my case I am in a profession which required thorough psychological testing before getting through, and incidentally she had applied for something similar but had miserably failed in the interview, probably because of the psychological test that must have found out her crapped up soul.
Good luck to all you lovers in this world, love the right person. Love the wrong person, it will ruin your soul. I'm giving silent treatment to my girlfriend because she has been using me for my money only.
After getting the money she would forget about me and would not even text and would not even communicate. And when I attempted to discuss my personal life problems with her she would always respond with "I don't know". I felt very much offended with that because I'm paying for all of finances and I'm not even receiving any bit of care or appreciation.
I like this article! I've always been one who has difficulty in waiting to work things out! My mother gave the silent treatment when she was hurt. Even after an apology, she felt if she forgave too soon, then I wouldn't get the message of how hurtful my behavior was toward her. I confronted her behavior by telling her that she was simply refusing to forgive. Beautiful as she is, she accepted this truth. People make mistakes all the time with words, and giving the silent treatment is a form of revenge.
I suppose she believes it was a "teaching method", nevertheless it is sinful and punishing. Then I married a wonderful man who withdrew upon confrontation. Married 25 years now, I can look back and see that he has gone through stages of change in the way he deals with confrontation.
He alternated back and forth between blowing up verbally and holding it all in. Through prayer, I believe God revealed to me that I needed to pray for us before I confronted an issue, and also to avoid criticism at all cost, and to make sure that instead of reacting angrily to his behavior, that I was to ask for what I wanted.
The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising - literally. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. The best predictor of divorce isn't whether a couple fights - arguments are inevitable - but how a couple fights. The Silent Treatment: When People Leave You Guessing There's probably no communication more misquoted than silence. The IRS has evolved a response to . Feb 14, You might want to think about ending your relationship. The silent treatment is just another word for when someone's ignoring you and ignoring people is an immature and childish way to act, a serious red flag, and a form of manipulation. It deserv.
This simple tactic of avoiding criticism created a major shift in our communication. We both had issues of blaming the other for our own reactions. I couldn't see the blaming in myself, and my husband still struggles to see it. But, there IS hope in letting God take the blinders off through prayer and taking His advice! Our marriage is the best it's ever been! I do notice that I have been blind to see how that even friends and other family members have been using the silent treatment, and after reading this, maybe I can help them see how they are trying to gain control through this behavior.
Another great article. I spent more than 20 years in an abusive relationship, before I had the guts to get out. The silent treatment was one of his secret weapons.
Until I stopped responding. It took away all of his power. Thank you so much for this article as I have a mother who does all those horrible and painful things to me since I could remember!
I recall it at age 4 I'm now 43 she just punished me again by setting up being the mastermind and robbing me of dollers and had two other people in on it my sister and her friend. It's better than the 16 months she gave me in state prison though!
She got into a fight with my attorney and the judge about God Her face was calm and looked like she did some good was almost set at ease. Another time that I'll mention there's so many times she put me in mental hospitals said I was metal and I was labeled the rest of my life but she new I was upset about there devorse hence she took advantage of it and called me mental and put me in institutions through out my copied hood would tell them to keep me 2 more months here and there. Till this day my mother lives off calling me mental and my sisters feed her behavior about it they know I hate being called that cause I'm really not.
It started well with my memory at 4 years old I had long hair to my but and she was brushing my hair she got angry and started hitting my head well she cutt I'll my hair off I was picked on badly through my child hood called ugly she new I was picked on because of it.
That's all I'm sharing for now I'm still in shock to know she has this disorder I though she was just evil and mean. What a wonderful article! My partner of 6 years is the silent treater. He's done everything from ignoring me on my birthday and holidays to degrading my intelligence. He's currently been giving me the treatment for the past week. Oh well, I text him and said if he don't step up then someone else will and they will treat me like I should be treated.
I think he has serious underlying issues from his childhood and lack of empathy to anyone. His past relationships were awful and his own children are distant from him. Eventually he will come to realize I am right, which he always does. He will never apologize but will know each time he pulls this BS, I set another boundary with his attitudes. I think sometimes he likes that I call him out on his bad behavior. I use to cry and be completely upset for weeks, not any more.
I use the time to do what I want, meanwhile he's sulking and nothing from what he claims goes right for him! Karma at its best! What an insightful article! I really loved your advise about considering a silent treatment as a free pass to do things our way. I completely agree that women get much more affected by silent treatment than men. Typically I have observed that people who chose the emotional abuse path always choose such partners on whom they can have the upper hand, maybe because they are subconsciously or consciously aware that they cannot handle someone similar to them.
It may sound a little extreme but I have ended relationships in the past for this very reason, simply because I saw those people as too immature and undeserving of my patience and understanding, if they cannot care equally for me.
Okay, so my relationship is very complicated. We've both made some mistakes, but both apologized, talked it out and moved forward together. He gave me the silent treatment many times in the past but the last time we agreed that we would never do it again, since I told him that it's the worst thing that you could do to your significant other and he agreed.
We haven't talked in a week. It all began when I begged him to come to our friend's birthday and told him how much it meant for me. He said he can't come because he doesn't have any money for a gift. He lives with his family so I told him to ask his mom to bake a cake, he wouldn't. He wanted me to go to the party but not get upset with him for not coming. I said I couldn't be ok with this, I'm not mad but can't understand why he won't make an effort to try to solve the situation and ask people for help.
I didn't offer him money because in the past he told me that he won't borrow money because it would mean that he must give it back! We always go Dutch when we go out, it has been months since he paid for anything. He also told me that we won't be seeing each other over the next two weeks because he doesn't even have money for a bus ticket!
I know he has money problems, but he's been broke for 2 years now and he earns money than I do. We never went on a vacation and he never takes me out.
I feel like it bothers him that I want us to go out together or with friends. He stopped talking to me a week ago, even though he was supposed to help me move to another city this weekend.
He didn't even send me a text message asking he if I'm okay. In the past, I always reached out to him but this time, I don't feel I've did anything wrong. I always supported him, never called him names, never shouted at him, whenever I was bothered with something I expressed my feelings in a calm and understand way letting him know that his behavior was upsetting me. Occasionally, he does nice things for me and surprises me with flowers, but I don't think he does it out of love anymore.
I don't understand him silent treatment. Be open to suggestions. Be sure to let your partner know that the silence upset you. Tell her this in a helpful manner. Saying, "I appreciate that I upset you, but silence is a barrier in our communication. Can you try to take a different approach next time? If you dislike the silent treatment, don't engage in it yourself.
What Is the Silent Treatment?
The best way to show that you're above being stonewalled is to be a good example. Lauren Thompson lives in Kansas City, Missouri and works as both a writer and freelancer. Her background is in technical and spec writing for the information technology industry, as well as financial services.
She also writes opinion and editorial articles for KCParent and Parents Edge, specializing in entertainment, food and political realms. The silent treatment makes a couple seem distant even I'm the same room. Meet Singles in your Area! Try Match.
Step 1 In the early stages of the silent treatment, it is easy to get frustrated and say things that you don't mean. Step 2 Try to change your approach. Step 3 Ask your partner to sit down with you in an intimate setting, such as your home or in a quiet area of a park.
An NPD individual is terrified of abandonment, rejection, and vulnerability. Thus, they adhere rigidly to their inner defense structure of thick and impermeable walls, protecting a very fragile and insecure core Zayn and Dibble, The Silent Treatment ST is deployed by an NPD when a narcissist desperately seeks to generate psychological equilibrium and control in the face of a perceived abandonment or rejection.
It is cruel and a form of psychological abuse. It is also very immature and is akin to the narcissist throwing a tantrum like a 5 year old, pouting with their arms crossed, and refusing to talk with their caregiver. For the victim of the ST, remove yourself if possible from this relationship.
You DO matter. What this means is essentially the survivor is choosing to protect themselves from further abuse by a psychological abuser NPD or otherwise. NC or Limited Contact if the abuser shares children with survivor is utilized when the survivor decides to end the relationship with abusive party and protect oneself from further abuse. It is NOT designed to punish the abuser but is implemented in response to abuse by the NPD individual and to shield the survivor from further psychological assaults Carnes, PP, To allow the survivor to have the space to heal from a toxic relationship without any contact with the abuser Carter and Sokol, Analysis of No Contact : Excellent and recommended stance for survivors to take to allow healing and recovery from narcissistic abuse in love, work or family.
Highly recommended by helping professionals in the field of relational trauma. Typically refers to dating. Analysis of Ghosting : This is just asshole behavior.
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