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After I got sober, I worried I'd never have sex again. This may sound dramatic, the kind of grandiose proclamation a teenager makes before slamming the door to her room. But I'd ruined my sole romantic strategy: get drunk, see what happens. I had no idea how to get close to a man without alcohol. Booze had given me permission to do and say anything I wanted, but now that I was sober, the only thing I wanted most days was to watch Netflix. It's not as though every intimacy in my entire life had been warped by drinking. I'd had quiet sex, and giggling sex, and sex so delicate it was like a soap bubble perched on the tip of my finger.
I needed to say yes, because I needed to push myself off the couch and into the swift-moving stream of hurt and jubilation.
But saying yes to everything meant repeatedly saying no to my own better judgment, or drinking myself to the point where I had none.
Now my job was to sort out the possibilities with more caution: which risks are not worth it, and which ones deserve a jump.
I said no to the smart guy who wasn't attractive to me. I said no to the cocky guy who was. I said no to the graphic designer who tried to kiss me one night.
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Our date was fun. I ran the pool table twiceand his eyes roamed along my ass as I lined up my shot, and I was surprised to find I liked that.
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But he slurped down three bourbons in 90 minutes, and when he leaned forward to kiss me, I was grossed out by the sour smell of his breath, the slump of his eyes, and I ducked. Like in a sitcom, I literally ducked. It was a revelation to me how unappealing men were when they were drunk.
Back when I was dating my college boyfriend Patrick, who was sober, he would pull away from me when I was buzzed and handsy.
I felt so sexy in those moments; it only followed I must have looked that way.
Now I realized what a sadistic game drinking played. It built up your confidence at the very moment you were looking your worst. After the comical way I ducked the graphic designer's kiss, I was certain I'd never hear from him again.
But he texted me the next day. Turns out, I accidentally inflamed his desire. I went out with him again, but something crucial was lacking.
It felt foreign on my tongue. I went out with a guy I'll call Ben. He showed up in jeans and a '70s ringer shirt pocked with holes and said, "Look, I dressed up for you," and already I liked him.
He had brown eyes that caught the light. We sat in a bar that was delightfully sleazy, and he drank a beer and I drank water, and nothing was forced or uncomfortable about this arrangement, which was shocking in itself.
He asked me why I quit drinking, and I told him. I asked why he and his wife split, and he told me. We both baby-stepped toward each other, one refusal to lie at a time. When he walked me to my car, he said, "So I'm unemployed, I'm broke, and I still live with my ex. I understand if you never want to see me again, but you should know all that.
I saw him the next week. What the hell, he was different. We sat outside a gelato store with our feet kicked up on the railing, and we talked about pornography. I can't remember now who opened the door in the conversation leading to the hallway that contained beaver shots, but he told a story about the first dirty picture he ever saw.
Hustler magazine, the hardcore stuff. All these women spreading their labias, six of them stacked on the page like bricks in a wall, and he felt a little ruined by it. Because after that, he needed so much just to get the same scorpion sting. He'd gone to college during a wave of antiporn sentiment in the late '80s, and he'd learned to be ashamed of his desires. Then he got married. Then the marriage caved. Now all he wanted was to dig himself out of the rubble and figure out who he was.
I let him kiss me that night. A lovely, soft, and unfrightening kiss. It was nice to learn that rejection didn't have to burn. One night in April, I went out with a guy who was studying psychology. We ate at a fried chicken restaurant, one of those trendy places where they served comfort food that used to be trashy. The guy talked fast, and I enjoyed the thrill of trying to keep up. It was nice to be on the other side for a change.
A week later, I drove out to his place, and we had dinner, and as we sat on the mattress of his messy bedroom, he turned to me and said, "Do you want to fuck?
This was my first clue I was not exactly in a Lifetime movie. There would be no soft stroking of my hair.
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No spray of rose petals across the bed. But in fact I did want to fuck. I'd gone nearly two years without sex. Two years without drinking, or smoking, or fucking.
And so I said, "Yes. It was fast, and efficient, and that was okay. Sometimes it's best not to wait for the perfect movie moment; those can leave you checking your watch for a long time. Afterward, we stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom as though it contained a moon.
I know there is a woman who would have left that invitation alone, but I was not her. It was a joke.
I guess? Just my luck. There it was, my big chance to get sex right again, and I went and screwed an asshole.
Maybe I should have felt crestfallen, but I didn't. I chalked it up to a learning curve. Sober Grid is especially useful for anyone who is struggling with sobriety.
In addition to connecting you with sober people in your area, it has a "sobriety calculator" that keeps track of how many days you've been sober, which can be a useful motivational tool for someone in recovery.
There's also the option to alert other members if you need help, and you can even request someone in your area to give you a safe ride from a recovery center. Congrats skyler. You can read inspirational messages, reach out to others for advice, track your days, create daily challenges, build new habits, and even calculate how much money you're saving by not drinking.
Unlike some of the other apps on this list, MeetMindful isn't centered specifically around alcohol. Rather, it's "for people who keep their lives mindful and high-vibe.
So if you're looking for someone who not only doesn't drink but is also dedicated to wellness overall, this could be the app for you.
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Things are looking a bit different around here. Deeper profiles, more intentional browsing, and did someone sayFREE messaging? Yes, yes we did.
Start exploring the new MeetMindful today. Of course, Hinge isn't exclusively for the sober community. But preferred members can make note of whether or not they're open to dating someone who drinks alcohol and, if so, how much.
Sober online dating
This could be a good option for someone who wants to try dating sober, but isn't committed to never having a glass of wine ever again. From AA, gambling, narcotics, eating disorders, gaming addicts and a multitude of other types of recovery groups.
The profiles on the site all seem to be pretty in depth and offer a good chance to get a feel for potential dating partners. This site offered the basic Love in Recovery is a meeting site for people who are in a recovery program. So Love in Recovery is a place where people can find supportive friendships that may potentially lead to more.
Yes cannot be!20.10.2020|Reply
In my opinion you are not right. Let's discuss.22.10.2020|Reply